Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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