I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
