Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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