Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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