I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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