we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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