i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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