Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
