And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
