I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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