he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
