youre lurking in front of me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
