my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
