YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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