Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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