my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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