The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
