mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
