i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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