i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
