No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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