so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
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I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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