I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
