Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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