Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
