you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
