i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
