Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
