Your dad touched me again.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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