Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
