her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
