They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
