Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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