Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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