Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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