someone get that fucking seahorse.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
