I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
