I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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