I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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