I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
