dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
