Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
