i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When are your genitals available?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
