we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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