so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
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Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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