so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
