I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
