I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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