I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
