she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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