he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
