Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
