I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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