I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize