I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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