omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
