Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
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my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
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I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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