Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
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He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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