You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
