I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
