Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
