the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
