What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
