lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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