If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize