I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
