I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
