My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
